The Trident

Issue date: 3/25/09 Section: Distractions

Sophomore year in high school was the best year to be stuck in the friend zone. I didn't nearly have enough game to hook up with anyone, much less anyone who was conscious. I had a family friend who was among the upper echelon of the freshmen social structure. She, just like all her friends save that token girl who provides the comedy, was gorgeous. Plus, she thought I was friendly, so naturally I would hang out with this group of fantastically good looking girls. I gave them guy advice and was basically their adorable plaything, and I loved it. That is, I loved it until all of them started to speak those dreaded words, "I love you…like a brother."

Those words spelled doom for my acne ridden, braces strapped face. I was not going to be Cameron James in 10 Things I Hate About You. In the end, Bianca always hooked up with Joey Donner.

But do not fret; I grew out of that phase. By junior year, I was above that. I was a mature man at this point. When I would have a friendship with a girl, it would be strictly platonic. I could talk to girls by day and hunt them down by night. And I was down with that whole women's lib thing. I clearly understood what women wanted in a man. But then slowly, I became Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally, and whenever a man starts to resemble a Billy Crystal character in any movie, you know it's a bad sign. That platonic relationship crumbled worse than Admissions' new tour route.

So, what does all this mean, besides the fact that I have about as much game as the people who wrote those index cards? Well, I am quite the connoisseur of being in the friend zone. It comes naturally to me. But what exactly is the friend zone? For people who did not have a social life in high school or are from northern New Jersey, the friend zone is a turbulent state of being, where you are friends with a girl you wish to one day have sexual relations with. If you are still confused, watch the movie Just Friends. Ryan Reynolds plays a stereotypical teenage boy stuck in the fearful zone, who spends about 90 minutes of film time trying to dig his way out of the situation. The character became handsome and successful in his later years, yet still had to waste an entire movie trying to hook up with Amy Smart, who originally shouldn't have been that difficult to get with anyway. That movie was Hollywood's warning to men who attempt to enter the friend zone. Since most of the time this situation occurs in high school, this article should be irrelevant. Fortunately, there is quite of plethora of friend zones plaguing the school today.

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