The Dreaded Friend Zone
Stockton Bullitt '12
Issue date: 3/25/09 Section: Distractions
Ladies, it is important that you recognize these men who are your friends but secretly pine for your affections. There is only one rule actually that is associated with the friend zone and you ladies should pay attention to it very closely: if he is your friend and he likes girls AND you are a girl, well…he probably likes you, and if he doesn't right now he has liked you in the past and/or will like you in the future. Unfortunately, it's a little inevitable to avoid this situation because guys, especially ones with hormones, can usually be enslaved by a drive to reproduce. Sorry, but we're only doing it for the species.
It is further pertinent that you women recognize how these hazardous situations can occur. There are many different stereotypical boy friends who are secretly stuck in the friend zone, and it is pertinent that you know how to recognize these situations before they blow up and you're supposed friend drunkenly pronounces his unrequited love for you after a random party while you look on laughing…not that that happens. And for those who are ready to aggressively pounce at my audacity for pointing out Earthly truths, remember that I have at one point or another, pretty much embodied almost all of these stereotypes.
The Questionably Heterosexual Friend- Now there is nothing wrong with this guy per se, but most of the time he is either trapped in the closet like R. Kelly or he is secretly into you. Again, I am not homophobic, nor do I say that men who act stereotypically "feminine" are homosexual or inferior. Nevertheless, these guys are your shopping buddies and the ones you cuddle down and watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days with. He tends to be one of the few guys attending the KEWL meetings and probably voted for Hilary Clinton, not because of her policies but simply because it was time for a female head of state. Even though these guys put up a façade that says they like you for your personality and how relatable you are to them, they probably want to hook up with you, and they tend to be the ones that are busy pulling a Helga Pataki and building deific statues of you in their rooms.
It is further pertinent that you women recognize how these hazardous situations can occur. There are many different stereotypical boy friends who are secretly stuck in the friend zone, and it is pertinent that you know how to recognize these situations before they blow up and you're supposed friend drunkenly pronounces his unrequited love for you after a random party while you look on laughing…not that that happens. And for those who are ready to aggressively pounce at my audacity for pointing out Earthly truths, remember that I have at one point or another, pretty much embodied almost all of these stereotypes.
The Questionably Heterosexual Friend- Now there is nothing wrong with this guy per se, but most of the time he is either trapped in the closet like R. Kelly or he is secretly into you. Again, I am not homophobic, nor do I say that men who act stereotypically "feminine" are homosexual or inferior. Nevertheless, these guys are your shopping buddies and the ones you cuddle down and watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days with. He tends to be one of the few guys attending the KEWL meetings and probably voted for Hilary Clinton, not because of her policies but simply because it was time for a female head of state. Even though these guys put up a façade that says they like you for your personality and how relatable you are to them, they probably want to hook up with you, and they tend to be the ones that are busy pulling a Helga Pataki and building deific statues of you in their rooms.
Viewing Comments 1 - 7 of 7
Zenmed
posted 8/24/09 @ 12:47 PM EST
I hate the friend zone. Need to learn some game.
Annapolis Movers
posted 10/22/09 @ 10:32 AM EST
It's true, the friend zone is not usually where we want to be, and it's hard not to get stuck there. However, it's sometimes good if you're trying to learn more about girls and what they want in a guy. (Continued…)
argumentative essay
posted 11/29/09 @ 7:43 AM EST
For people who did not have a social life in high school the friend zone is a turbulent state of being. I think it is better to have real friends.
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posted 12/11/09 @ 11:01 AM EST
I think that excitement about Friend Zone is too big.
iPod Forum
posted 2/25/10 @ 3:43 PM EST
I hate it i dont get how girls can do that. I doubt a computer or a robot would ever put you in a situation where you would be put into the friends category. (Continued…)
Beze
posted 3/03/10 @ 8:21 AM EST
I think friend zone isn't the best way of frienship
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posted 3/11/10 @ 12:51 PM EST
Tyhe friend zone is not the right thing it should be, you know
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