Put it in yo ear
Colin Garner
Issue date: 4/27/05 Section: Distractions
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Remember what it was like to be a fifteen year-old girl? Well, I certainly didn't. That is until I received a pleasant refresher course in the drama when I found myself DJing at my sisters surprise birthday party over break. This event made two things in my mind totally clear. First, all Frat Parties should be required to serve those "Pigs in Blankets" sausages. Second, no matter who you are, watching a college guy do the electric slide with 20 ninth grade girls is a haunting image.
Loretta Lynn and Jack White of "The White Stripes" collaborated on "Van Lear Rose" in 2004, a classic country album. Check out "Portland Oregon", their Grammy award winning single. As good as the album is, however, the unintentional comedy of the 60 minute special regarding its release reigns supreme. Picture Mike Wallace with his ferocious, botox lifted fake tan. Now, picture him posing questions to 70 year-old Loretta with her skin melting away and Jack White doing his best impression of Edward Scissor Hands. Add a teaspoon of ridiculous country slang and you have without a doubt the strangest special in the history of television.
So I have a new editor for my piece in The Trident. Apparently my body (of work) was a bit too bootylicious for my last boss, Miss Bisso. A sad day, and at the same time, a fresh start. I've got the over/under on three weeks before I find the courage to start sending strange, incomprehensible messages once again.
Let's talk new music.
1. Kanye West, "Diamonds are Forever"- The first single of his forthcoming album, on which he once again ignores artistic integrity and savagely bites the Shirley Bassey theme song. As much as I want to be a snotty critic I will digress because it's still a banger and will find its way into my rotation.
2. Will Smith, "Mr. Nice Guy"- This is probably the lamest thing to ever happen in the history of rap beef. Responding to an Em line from five years ago, Will Smith has to be the softest battle rapper of all-time. But I can't hate, "Summertime" is still a classic.
3. Mariah Carey, "We Belong Together"- After I was getting on Will for being soft, I will top him in the "lamest thing ever done category" by saying this, Mariah is on fire. This song is killing it. I'm fine with the criticism, say what you must, but I love the new Mariah.
Loretta Lynn and Jack White of "The White Stripes" collaborated on "Van Lear Rose" in 2004, a classic country album. Check out "Portland Oregon", their Grammy award winning single. As good as the album is, however, the unintentional comedy of the 60 minute special regarding its release reigns supreme. Picture Mike Wallace with his ferocious, botox lifted fake tan. Now, picture him posing questions to 70 year-old Loretta with her skin melting away and Jack White doing his best impression of Edward Scissor Hands. Add a teaspoon of ridiculous country slang and you have without a doubt the strangest special in the history of television.
So I have a new editor for my piece in The Trident. Apparently my body (of work) was a bit too bootylicious for my last boss, Miss Bisso. A sad day, and at the same time, a fresh start. I've got the over/under on three weeks before I find the courage to start sending strange, incomprehensible messages once again.
Let's talk new music.
1. Kanye West, "Diamonds are Forever"- The first single of his forthcoming album, on which he once again ignores artistic integrity and savagely bites the Shirley Bassey theme song. As much as I want to be a snotty critic I will digress because it's still a banger and will find its way into my rotation.
2. Will Smith, "Mr. Nice Guy"- This is probably the lamest thing to ever happen in the history of rap beef. Responding to an Em line from five years ago, Will Smith has to be the softest battle rapper of all-time. But I can't hate, "Summertime" is still a classic.
3. Mariah Carey, "We Belong Together"- After I was getting on Will for being soft, I will top him in the "lamest thing ever done category" by saying this, Mariah is on fire. This song is killing it. I'm fine with the criticism, say what you must, but I love the new Mariah.